It was a time of myth and legends. A time when the gods were petty and cruel, and plagued mankind with suffering. Only one man dared to stand up against them... Peter Pot: The Legendary Potter (in no way related to Harry of the Harry Potter fame since this story occurred way before Harry's time).

The story begins one dark and stormy night. Lady (the female dog) was a nanny and took care of Mr. and Mrs. Pot's son, Peter Pot. That night Mr. and Mrs. Pot had found a piece of prime roast with honey and huckleberry sauce with extra garnishing missing from their larder. They suspected that Lady had stolen it. She hadn't as any self respecting bitch would tell you that she didn't do it. As a punishment that was agreeable to the political fashion of that era, they tied Lady up in the kennel or doggie shack as it was known as that time. Peter Pot was left alone in that big empty house as they went to pretend to be rich, humble, superior Homo sapiens in a party at Belissa Row. Unfortunately (for them) they had left the upstairs window open. Peter Pot was swept away in a gust of wind and was never seen again. (This IS a story with faeries and pirates so this is a perfectly acceptable way for Peter Pot to vanish.)

Years later, Lady still looked ravishing because she pumped herself with some toxin that neutralizes wrinkles. Lady was now in another house taking care of another little boy who had grown up a little. The boy's name was Little Johnny. (We never get to find out whether Peter Pot and Little Johnny were really brothers. If they were, don't you wonder who was the little brother?)

And speaking of the devil, Peter Pot appeared right in that very house in Texas, the hometown of rock cold Peter Pot. Peter Pot was cold because his handle of the pot which he wore on his head had came off. As some people would later remark, his screws were loose. Peter Pot had seen the open window and had seen kind Lady (whom he faintly remembered in that sorta deja-vu feeling that you have known someone or been somewhere before). He introduced himself, "I am Peter Poppit... I mean Peter Pot."

Lady and Little Johnny were amazed. It was the first time they had ever seen someone whose pot handle was so hairy (he adorned it with spider's web to help him fly through the sky). Then they noticed Tina Belle - the extra-extra miniaturized giant russian ballet dancer with wings. (That's faerie to you.) Peter Pot mumbled something incoherent to break the silence, "err... My handle has flew off. Would you help me stick my thing back on?"

Little Johnny tried but being 'man (boy at that time) with big hand', he couldn't get the two ends to meet. But whoa...! Lady, that bitch (female dog) was a real pro at sticking things back together. With her delicate but strong hands... I mean paws... she expertly held Peter Pot's handle right at it's base. And with quick strokes she attached it back where it should be. Peter Pot felt no pain at all.

Peter Pot felt in awe of Lady. And also felt grateful to Little Johnny to a lesser extent. Peter Pan told Tina Belle to take out her ground spider's web. He sprinkled some of the sticky stuff on their face and told them to think a happy thought. Before they realized it, Lady and Little Johnny were flying! They flew over the Hawaii beach, laughing at all the pale tourists who were getting cancer sitting in the sun barebequing themselves in the name of fashion statement and looked at the massive infamous traffic jams in Bangkok, Thailand. Lo and behold, they crossed a sea which was as clear as glass and found themselves in Nothingham-nothingham Land.

Peter Pot introduced Lady and Little Johnny to the Gay Men. Peter Pot told the Gay Men how Lady had been so expert with his handle. All of them begged Lady to be their mother too since they never had one. Little Johnny felt a little akward and first. He was so much taller than all of them! (Having a name like Little Johnny didn't help much either). But he tried to just be himself. By nightfall, it was they had known each other for years. Little Johnny and the Gay Men played happily with one another and enjoyed it very much even thought it was the first time Little Johnny had played with other males since he had no brothers. (And Lady was a female dog. There are only that many things a guy can do with his dog).

Tina Belle felt very jealous. She had been the only female before that bitch arrived and she was used to being pampered and spoiled by Peter Pot and the Gay Men. Especially Peter Pot who let her sleep in his bed. Tina Belle flew off when no one was looking and went straight to Captain Hooker. (Captain Hooker was her boss actually since she was a cold war spy... but they don't tell you that in all the other story books on Peter P.) Captain Hooker hatched up a diabolical scheme. She (yes, Captain Hooker is a female) decided to pretend to be a insurance seller and sell them lifetime policies while secretly using her quill diamond tipped pen to stab Peter Pot in the back. (She wanted to use piano wire to kill Peter Pot like in her favourite movie "The Godfather" but the current band on here cruise ship was an all-drum band).

Captain Hooker really hated Peter Pan as Peter Pan had bested her in duel before. Causing her to lose her one and only shield. She now fought using a two handed sword with a +2 enchanted weopon allowing her swift attack, bonus to defense and +1 to Charisma. A big crocodile had eaten her shield as it dropped into the sea, which incidentally was actually a large lake named Tasik Kenya. From that day on, Captain Hooker had protectoclinkoincisorwavephobia - the fear of hearing the sound of shields hitting the teeth of a large animal. The worse thing was that the crocodile had somehow lodged her shield in it's mouth and made a clanking sound everytime it opened or closed it's mouth.

Captain Hooker with Tina Belle's secret-map-that-can-only-be-seen-after-pissing-on-it found Peter Pot's ship easily enough. She played her part as hardworking insurance agent very well that not even Lady who could usually smell trouble from far away noticed anything. Captain Hooker managed to convince Peter Pot to send everyone else to the decks so they could discuss business alone.

The moment arrived. Peter Pot was bent over looking at all the font size 3 writing on the agreement papers. Captain Hooker took out her long evil looking pen and raised it high over her head. "In just 5 seconds, Peter Pot will be history," she thought, "Pity all those students who will have to learn about this as part of their boring history lessons but I have to do it!"

Suddenly an arrow flashed through the air and struck the pen off Captain Hooker's hands. Little Johnny had seen what she was up to and had opened fire with 'The Needler' which he had found in a dungeon somewhere. Captain Hooker had forgot all about Little Johnny's extra height which allowed him to see them from the decks!

Little Johnny grabbed a pole where he had mastery in and fought against the +2 might of Captain Hooker's enchanted two-handed sword. Little Johnny was hardly the match for Captain Hooker since he was lacking in experience. Little Johnny slipped out his Siemens handphone and played his dialtone. Captain Hooker slipped and fell overboard into the sea. Little Johnny had set his handphone ring to the sound of a shield hitting a crocodile tooth. It looked like it was all over for Captain Hooker. But wait! Suddenly giant hooks fell from the sky and Captain Hooker helped herself to safety back on board. Her aides had sensed her danger and provided instant support. (She and her pirates specializes in hooks. How else do you think she got her name?)

Little Johnny beat a hasty retreat since he knew he was screwed. Peter Pot (applause!) drew out his equally powerful +2 scabbard with fire damage and allows him to cast heal once per day. It was a mighty battle to behold as Peter Pot and Captain Hooker fought a mighty battle that would be immortalized in legends and songs. They met each other hit for hit. Then Peter Pot drew his secret weopon. He had been practising this special moves for hours. He used his "Shadow Step ©" and dodged Captain Hooker's move and joining in a fluid motion to a throw Captain Hooker into the sea. Everyone gave a mighty cheer (including Tina Belle since she now was a double crosser due to circumstances. She would later provide information that lead to the capture of other pirates and become a highly decorated officer with a lot of money.) Captain Hooker was promptly eaten by a crocodile with a shield in it's mouth. She thought it would happen so it did.

The end...

WAIT A MINUTE! ... what about the Sheriff of Nothingham? We haven't seen him in the story yet and he IS in the cast list.

Yes, as is customary of the police, they arrived just moments after the incident had occurred. The evil, evil polizé Sheriff of Nothingham proceeded to write out a summons to Peter Pot for illegal dumping of an inedible waste bonafide non-consumable to the Crocidulus species into the sea.

The Gay Men promptly threw the Sheriff of Nothingham into the sea. Lady cheered loudest of all for she understood the grave injustice of being accused of something that one did not do. The Gay Men sneered, "You will make a good square meal for the crocs." The Sheriff of Nothingham shouted in fear and peed in his pants. Peter Pot fished the Sheriff of Nothingham out in the last minute just as the Sheriff of Nothingham was about to see the light at the end of the road.

Peter Pot then asked the Sheriff of Nothingham a very important question, "So know are you going to book yourself for peeing illegally into the sea?"

The Sheriff of Nothingham finally saw Peter Pot's perspective of things. Sometimes we do things because we have been forced to. It isn't our fault when we are not given the opportunity to say no. Animals are indeed important and so much more is human life. One must look at the bigger picture. The real damage done to the sea and the land are done by large corporations and companies that dump large amounts of poisionous materials.

The moral of the story is (since all good stories have holistic values): Do not harm/kill animals on purpose