ADS & OTHER SIGNS

EGO STRIPS
As a newspaper columnist, I am often asked to speak at functions. One recent appearance was trumpeted in our organization’s newsletter with the following plug: "Don Boxmeyer will be our guest speaker at the next council meeting. A $5 door prize will be given away as an incentive to get more people to attend."

PARKING SIGN
Sign in a Colorado coffee-shop's parking lot: "Fifteen-minute Parking Only. Violators Will Be Decaffeinated."

LOVE NOTE
A doctor and a dentist who worked in the same hospital fell in love with the same pretty nurse. The dentist had to attend a seminar. "I'll be away for a week," he told the nurse. "I have a present for you, but please don't open it until after I leave." When she unwrapped the parcel she found seven apples and this note: "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

I WILL
While we were out, my husband and I left a legal document face down on the kitchen counter. When we returned, I realized my sister had come to pick up a pressure cooker I had borrowed from her.
She couldn't find it, so she scribbled a note on the nearest available paper - which happened to be the document. The note read, "I want the pressure cooker." She had written her request on the back of our last will and testament.

WHAT'S IN THE NEWS

* From a display ad for an automotive dealership in Tennessee: "Why go anywhere else to be cheated when you can come here!"

* An ad states: "Fat, uninspiring guy selling intimidating workout machine."

* Reporting an accident involving a woman, a California newspaper said, "The area in which she was injured is extremely scenic."